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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26133415">puddles of stars</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintvaast/pseuds/saintvaast'>saintvaast</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>puddles of stars [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, M/M, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Unrequited Love, star tear disease</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:47:09</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,402</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26133415</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/saintvaast/pseuds/saintvaast</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>(tw for slurs and homophobia)</p><p>whenever tsukishima cries, his tears make puddles of stars. one of these days, he might just slip into space.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>puddles of stars [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1897687</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>30</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>puddles of stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>again, major tw for slurs and homophobia!! </p><p>other than that, enjoy this one-off i wrote in one night.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>a small bell could be heard ringing throughout the gym. it sounded like a bell, yamaguchi thought. it sounded like stars. like a meteor shower. it sounded sad. he couldn't tell where it was coming from. he assumed his ears were playing tricks on him. as he continued to clean up the gym, the sounds of crying evaded his ears. the twinkling sounds of the tears of stars rang clear in the night, tears of loneliness, of love unrequited, of feelings unwanted. the emotions of yamaguchi's oldest friend escaped his ears. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[:(]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>tsukki walked to school alone again. he missed yamaguchi. he missed yamaguchi's chatter and jokes. he missed yamaguchi's fluffy green hair and his sly smile. a weight hung from his throat and swung around his insides, making him feel sick. his throat had been refusing to work for the past few days. though it didn't really matter because nobody other than yamaguchi ever really talked to him. and yamaguchi hated him now. his frequent anxiety attacks had been getting worse. and the stars always came with them. they hurt his eyes. and his throat. and his head. tsukki heard the bell chime around the school grounds and walked faster.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[:(]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>tsukki couldn't see red anymore. the red on the volleyball looked like a dark grey. the orange of hinata's hair looked like yellow, and the rainbow pin on his bag was missing a color and looked all wrong. the red of his wrists scratched raw by uncontrolled stimming was invisible to him. he couldn't see yamaguchi's strawberry freckles. he couldn't see the red of the blood that slowly oozed down his arm as he pricked his wrist with the very point of his pocket knife. he didn't realize his wrists were concerning to those around him. he just wanted to get practice over with.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[:(]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>as he struggled for breath in the storage room of the gym, his tears providing a glow in the dark of the night, he scratched his wrists to try and calm himself down. his chest heaved and his eyes stung and his hands scrambled to move and stimulate. his head pounded and he rocked in circles, quietly sobbing and shaking. the twinkling of his tears filled the room, as they fell in a puddle on the floor, a puddle that looked like space. stars floated around the puddle and each tear added a new one. he shouldn't have tried to talk to yamaguchi.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[:(]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>yamaguchi stared at the puddle on the floor, utterly confused at how it got there. why did it glow? he reached down to touch it, feeling his hand pass through it and into- shit! he pulled his hand straight out, cursing. it was freezing in the puddle, more cold than he'd ever experienced in his life. his arm was numb and somewhat blue. he nursed it gingerly, staring in fear at the puddle. a few minutes ago, he'd heard a person crying in here. he stepped out, breaking into a run. he had to tell someone. his arm stung as he ran.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[:(]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>the next color to go was yellow. the world now looked like a mix of blue and grey scale. yamaguchi's hair was cyan. the gym was a black and white room. tsukki was numb.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[:(]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>yamaguchi hadn't been able to tell anyone about the puddle. he'd seen another one, though. it was in the bathroom this time. he'd thrown a hairbrush into it. the hairbrush never came back. he'd watched it float off into the void of the puddle, and he didn't attempt to get it back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[:(]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>tsukki had tried to talk to him again. he'd cornered him so he couldn't run off. he'd tried to say something. his throat seemed to be choked up and he couldn't make a sound. he scratched at his throat in frustration as he seemed to get even more choked up. he looked like he was even struggling for breath. yamaguchi didn't have any escape. he shoved tsukki away and ran. he didn't look back. he didn't want to talk to tsukki. he couldn't. he couldn't face him. not after the rumors. that tsukki was… gay.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[:(]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>tsukki sat silently, staring down at the puddle. nobody would care if he were to get lost in space. nobody would care if he went missing. if he was never seen again. everybody hated him. nobody tried anything, because he was tall and strong. but he knew if he were hinata's size, he'd have a black eye and maybe even a broken arm. because he wore a pride shirt to watch a volleyball game and someone saw him. stars danced in his golden eyes as his hands slid over the puddle. his black and white world didn't seem like it compared to space. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[:(]</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>yamaguchi found another puddle. he rushed over to it. a piece of paper floated around right inside it. yamaguchi scrambled to grab two sticks and reach them into the puddle, using them to grab the piece of paper and bring it back to earth. it came out and yamaguchi grabbed it, folding it open, hoping it was an answer to the puddles. it was a letter. signed tsukki at the bottom. yamaguchi read it with fear in his eyes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>hey, universe. i wonder why people think im some monster. i wore a shirt to a ball game and now my best friend hates me. the anxiety attacks have been getting worse. my world is black and white. my eyes hurt. i don't want to cry anymore. at least i get to see space when i do. i bet no one would care if i got lost in space. if i was never seen again. my parents wouldn't. yams wouldn't. the team wouldn't. so what's the difference between staying here and slipping into one of these puddles? maybe the space will clear up my throat. it is a deadly vacuum. my body would freeze. i might float around a bit. that would be nice. i think that's what i wanna do after i die. float around in the void of space. if i wear a pride shirt in space nobody's there to call me slurs behind my back. or to my face, for that matter. you know, i think the only reason people haven't tried to commit a hate crime against me is because i'm the tallest person in this school and i'm strong. i feel bad for anyone who's smaller than me who has to deal with that kind of allegation. or anyone who has to deal with allegations, for that matter. it's ruined my life. my best friend hates me. my parents hate me. my team hates me. so what's it to any of them if i do slip into the void? maybe i will. i just have to write a note. but i don't think they deserve that. they're the ones who're homophobic. do they deserve a sorry note after turning on me? nah, i don't think so. but i'll write yamaguchi anyway. he deserves one. i'd write him a note even if he called me a fag to my face. i guess that's my character flaw. well, i'll be going now. i'm going to give a note to yamaguchi. and then when he pushes me away, and i inevitably cry like i always do, i'll slip away into the puddle. maybe i'll make my own shirt especially for space. it'll say, 'nobody can call you slurs in space' and it'll have that sunglasses guy emoji. and it'll have a rainbow somewhere on there. peak comedy. i'm actually going now. goodbye. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-tsukishima, certified homosexual</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>yamaguchi's tears streamed down his cheeks. the note tsukishima had given him earlier that day rested in his pocket. it felt like a ten-ton weight. he reached into his pocket and pulled the note out. he started to read it as his tears soaked his shirt.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>hey, yamaguchi. if you're reading this, i decided to go through with the plan. i'm probably already floating through space. i just want to say im sorry. i wanted to be your friend. i'm sorry that i let you down. and i owe you the truth. i loved you. you and your strawberry freckles, your fluffy hair, your sweet voice. i'm sorry that i did. but i'm gone now. you don't have to worry about it anymore. have fun without me. :)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>-tsukki</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>yamaguchi sobbed. he'd fucked up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>[:(]</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>ok but im totally thinking about making a second part of this where tsukki comes back to haunt Yamaguchi when he's in college. thoughts :0 ?</p></blockquote></div></div>
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